


Contrition

by AlwaysCryOverSpilledMilk



Series: Prompt Fills [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Infidelity, Multi, One-Sided Relationship, Regret, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 17:19:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11189760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysCryOverSpilledMilk/pseuds/AlwaysCryOverSpilledMilk
Summary: "Naruto knew he’d never speak of it because, even with the consequences of secrets, there were some things his wife could never know."pinterest prompt: Write about the three things he could never tell her.





	Contrition

Number One

_ He fell in love with the possibilities of their future together before he ever considered returning her affections. _

 

The moment she’d confessed, in the midst of his battle, he’d been confused. How could she have come to love him? They’d hardly ever spoken, which made it difficult for him to believe he’d really made such an impression on her as she’d expressed. When Naruto happened to reflect upon it in later years, he’d think that if they were more acquainted at the time of her speech he might have responded better. Maybe he could’ve genuinely returned the sentiment and he wouldn’t be caught up in a one-sided marriage now. 

Each time, he would quickly remember that his inability to love her had never had nothing to do with her in the first place. 

But as the days following Hinata’s confession rolled past, Naruto had found himself shamelessly contemplating what they could become together, where they could go. Her words “That’s why I’m not afraid to die, if it means I can protect you,” replayed throughout his thoughts too many times to count, each time accompanied by the sight of her taking the beating from Pain that was meant for him. He’d known well enough from that day that she would always protect him, just as he would do for her and their entire village once he became the Hokage.

Hinata had always come off as shy, reserved, like she never knew when she was supposed to speak up. Naruto found her to be painfully awkward, but in the midst of his considerations he figured it could be rather endearing. He knew if they ever happened to get together their friends would go off about the loudest and the quietest of them all finding harmony between their tones and making it into a beautiful symphony of love, or something else sappy like that. The joy their potential relationship would bring all of their friends was probably one of the most prominent attributes Naruto fell the hardest for. 

Naruto was also acutely aware of the fact that, as Hokage, he would eventually be expected to start a family, have an heir. Hinata was beautiful, he had no doubt about that, and he knew she would bear him lovely children if they were to attempt such a thing. He’d always wanted to have a son, someone to raise in his own image and to teach everything he knows. He could picture what their kids would look like many years before they’d ever had them, and he knew Hinata would be an amazing mother. If she was so willing to risk herself for Naruto, he knew she’d do the same for their children.

The more Naruto thought about the future he and Hinata could have together, the more comfortable he felt with her feelings. He struggled to imagine as beautiful of a shared adulthood with nearly anyone else.

 

Number Two

_ She grew to be the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, which was exactly why he shouldn’t have married her. _

 

Naruto had never found anything spectacular or particularly noteworthy at all about Hinata’s appearance when they were young. He’d always been caught up in Sakura’s shining aquamarine eyes or Ino’s luscious blonde hair. Hinata had always kept to herself, shying away from any and all social situations that didn’t involve Neji and her other family members. Meanwhile, girls like Ino and Sakura had a tendency to make sure they were the center of attention, instantly drawing Naruto’s attention towards them. There had only ever been one person with the same lack of socialization as Hinata who had ever been able to steal Naruto’s undivided attention, but Hinata had never done so until the day she tried to save him. 

It had taken Naruto until late in their teen years to ever notice the body Hinata had acquired over time. He was sure it wasn’t anything new, it had simply been hidden beneath the baggy clothes she’d always chosen to wear. He thought it was quite a shame she never dressed in anything remotely form-fitting, because she was fitter than any other girl their age. Her babyface had evolved into that of a woman, and she had grown into a true thing of beauty. Naruto was unashamed of himself when he thought she could easily be a girl you’d see in one of Kakashi’s pervy books. 

The thing was, she was  _ too _ beautiful. 

She wasn’t like the other pretty girls.

Hinata had a beautiful  _ personality _ , which had never been something Naruto had looked for in a woman. All he needed to be happy was a simple-minded babe to keep him warm at night and make his friends jealous. He knew he was no match for a woman like Hinata, with her drool-worthy body, her shining intellect, and her warm personality. She was too much, too complex.

Naruto felt defeated and lesser in their marriage, regardless of his own status.

 

Number Three

_ His heart would never belong to her the way hers did to him. _

 

Naruto’s heart had always belonged to the same person, and his shame only built up more and more over the years. It had started when they were young, still in the Academy, when another student’s sharp mind impressed him. 

Shikamaru.

Always the first to know, but the last to answer.

Indifferent to his peers, detached from the world.

He’d never been as beautiful as the girls in their class, didn’t have the same curves boys were supposed to like, but Naruto stared anyway. He stared at Shikamaru like he stared at Sakura, took in every lovely detail. Naruto knew he wasn’t supposed to look at other boys like that, but there was just something about Shikamaru that he couldn’t quite grasp.

As they all grew up, matured into their teens, Naruto’s daydreams about holding Shikamaru’s nimble hands evolved into nightly fantasies about being pressed up against Shikamaru’s hard, curveless body. They became better friends throughout their mission to find Sasuke and the war that followed not long after, which made it so Naruto had to work even harder to move past his feelings. 

Until he slipped up.

He’d been staring again, and for once it hadn’t gone unnoticed.

“Why are you staring at me like that?”

“You’re beautiful.”

Naruto couldn’t help saying it, it just tumbled right out of his lips without his consent. He’d never been caught before, giving him no opportunity to prepare for an inquiry such as that.

But Shikamaru smiled, and answered, “I’m nowhere near your level.”

It had taken Naruto a moment to understand what he’d meant, still stuck in the shock of what he himself had accidentally voiced.

They kissed for the first time of many, and Naruto felt his heart being stolen.

When Naruto told Shikamaru he was planning to marry Hinata, his partner had understood. Naruto needed a public relationship just as much as he needed an heir, Shikamaru knew, but that wasn’t enough to stop them from seeing each other.

There were times Naruto regretted never leaving Shikamaru, never giving his heart to Hinata like he knew he should’ve. He regretted letting himself be swept off his feet at the young age of six and never quite being able to find his footing again. He regretted placing Shikamaru as his advisor, regretted all the late nights they spent bringing their personal relationship into his office. 

But most of all, he regretted never telling Hinata any of it. 

Perhaps if he had told her he had already given his heart away when she’d propositioned him, he could’ve avoided it all. 

Maybe, even if he had told her after they were wed, they could’ve handled it before having their children grow up in a family with a detached father.

Naruto knew he’d never speak of it because, even with the consequences of secrets, there were some things his wife could never know.

 

**FIN.**

**Author's Note:**

> It killed me to tear apart Naruto and Hinata's marriage like that, because I literally love them together. But hey, I couldn't resist the prompt.


End file.
